Hey everyone. My name is Alicia and for the last two years I have been attempting to get sober, or at least, soberish. My commitment level to full blown sobriety wavers which is, arguably, part of the problem.

The longest streak of sobriety I’ve had was four consecutive months. Before that, it was five months interrupted by one attempt to have a cocktail with dinner while on my honeymoon. It tasted horrible. In between these marathons of good behavior were periods of binging, weight gain, and deteriorating mental health. Before that, years of regrettable incidents and a slow, but steady crawl into alcohol abuse.

I don’t know if I consider myself an addict, but I do know that I have a problem with alcohol (and maybe that’s the same thing). When I drink, it’s never just one or two glasses. It’s always a binge. Sometimes those binges have been daily, and sometimes those binges have damaged important relationships and opportunities in my life. Other times, they’ve caused a slight hangover and that’s the worst of it. The fact that it’s not always a disaster contributes to the back and forth roulette of my journey.

This blog is a chronicling of my attempt out of the binge and into sobriety. It is not the bright-eyed musings of someone who has found her way. I have little to offer in that regard (yet). What I hope to be right now is honest and open about what it’s like to try to navigate the landscape of alcohol abuse, recovery, sobriety, and mental health.

As I grow and change, I hope this blog grows and changes with me. But for now, I will start where I am.

It’s December 24, 2016 and my last drink was six days ago.